Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
