highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
