guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
