after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
