hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
