do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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