I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
