Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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