i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
too bad you live with your parents still
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
