I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
