wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
