you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All the doctor said was why
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
