At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
