She's JV to your varsity
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
