I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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