Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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