Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
