Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
