Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
