Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Duck Duck Cougar?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
