are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So here I am, sexting at work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
