I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
