Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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