Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
