HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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