Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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