fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
