She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
