Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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