You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
