Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
