my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
