if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
