I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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