My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
