I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
