Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
