shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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