Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My penis needs a shock collar
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
