1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
