I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
