Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
