oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
