apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
