if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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