haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
