there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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