did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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