he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
