i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
