if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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