So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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