how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
